You know, I’m about as big a “Heroes” fan as there is. I don’t have like, Peter Petrelli pajamas or anything, but I’m a pretty big fan. (Come to think of it, those would be bad-ass pajamas. I could make them look like any pair of pajamas I’ve ever known, or ever come into contact with, just by thinking of them. If only Victoria Secret would figure out a way to pull this off for women.)

I say all this in advance because while a few interesting things happened tonight, they were few and far between, and I don’t want my love to be blind. Bono may differ with me on this one, but that’s OK. Doesn’t change the fact that this was a sub-par episode, and while it offered a few clues as to the identity of the newest serial killer to be let loose in the “Heroes” universe, it also offered a lot of filler and exposition that detracted from the overall endeavor.

In the aftermath of Kaito Nakamura, we learn via Noah Bennett that Isaac, the Artist Formerly Known As Alive, painted a series of eight paintings that had absolutely nothing to do with the bomb. How do we know they had nothing to do with the bomb, or more importantly, how did Noah know? Um, well, that’s easy to explain. It’s just a matter of…ooh, look, a unicorn! *scurries away*

Yeah, I have next to no idea how we’re supposed to take this bit of info without shaking out heads, but fine, Noah knew about these eight paintings, kept one (I guess he figured it would look good in his next house?) and let the other seven go to parts unknown. Thus, Noah’s plot arc throughout “Volume 2” will be to find these other seven paintings. To what end? To find the killer, I suppose, although Isaac’s batted 1.000 so far in his predictions, so what would be the point? Being able to show the remaining elder statesmen of hero-dom how they will die?

Noah won’t find these paintings alone…he’s now reunited with the Haitian, who had been convalescing in Haiti, which is probably the last place he should have gone when trying to hide from the Company. I mean, that would be the first place they’d look, right? Go to Mongolia, man. They’d never see it coming! Unless the Haitian went all Wallace Shawn on everyone:

“All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would search for me in my own country or in another? Now, a clever man would hide in another country, because he would know that only a great fool would go there. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not go home. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not go to another country.”

This would have clearly delighted the actor playing the Haitian, who hasn’t had this many lines to date on “Heroes”.

Mohinder finds the Haitian dying in a small hut, which calls to mind another question: is the virus Mohinder spoke of to lure in the Company really a threat? I had gone off the assumption after last week that the virus was a ruse devised by Mohinder and Bennett in order to cause panic on the part of the Company. But Mohinder confirmed the Haitian had the virus, and had no reason whatsoever to lie, so I suppose the virus exists but wasn’t as prevalent as Mohinder and Bennett believed. Aaaand my head hurts. Not a good sign, people.

So there’s a virus, and a serial killer, and more over, a bet more than a few people are gonna pay a lot for that muffler. Craptastic time to be a hero.

Speaking of viruses and killers, we have Maya and Alejandro, killing their way across the border in order to find Mohinder’s father. Last week, we saw only the aftermath of what happens if they separate: a host of dead people with blood dripping from their eyes. Tonight, we actually SEE what happens to Maya when the fit hits the shan: which is, um, pretty much the same thing. Only she’s immune to its effects. When her power is “on”, it seems to affect the air around her, as her guide into America starts to choke as if inhaling a toxin. Her brother’s power seems to be the ability to suck this virus, for lack of a better term, out of her and the air around them, and effectively absorb and neutralize the virus within himself. He’s like a Dirt Devil for evil.

The virus in the Mohinder storyline and the virus in the Maya storyline may eventually dovetail: I’d almost bank on it, in fact. The idea that evolution could contain elements in which natural selection could take place over a few years, not a few millennia, is not too far-fetched in this world, and Maya’s mutation could in the end be the cure for the virus that could effectively wipe out all those with powers. Separate, they could cause untold damage, but in concert, could effectively neutralize her and allow for a more natural speed of genetic progression.

I would, however, NOT be against a faster speed of progression in the Peter, Hiro, and Claire storylines. Good. Gravy. The latter two are acting like fanfic versions of themselves: Hiro’s literally writing fanfic as he recreates the stories he heard as a child. And Claire, aka, The Lizard King, cuts off her freakin’ toe because…well, she wanted to see if it would grow back. I wish I had a better reason, but she did it for the reason peeps climb Everest. Cuz they can. I understand that she’s curious about exploring the potential of her power, but that’s a huge risk, isn’t it? I mean, you could never wear sandals again if that failed. You could wear Crocs, sure, but those will be out of fashion by next summer, and then you’d be a four-toed freak, Claire. I am gonna hit you with a clue by four soon, and I don’t advocate hitting women as a rule, but you’ll heal, you twit.

And Peter: OK, people, I need your help on this. As far as I can tell, the basis of Peter’s abilities comes from him thinking about a person with a power, remember how he felt around them, and then executing the power. That was the whole point of his training with Claude, right? Claude tried to make Peter cut attachments, Peter realized his power came from those attachments, and the NBC “One to Grow On” star flew across the sky.

So here’s today’s study question: How in the blippin’ hell can a memory-less Peter still access all his powers?

By my count, he used 145 powers in tonight’s episode, from DL’s phasing, Sylar’s telekinesis, all while looking like he spent his entire time in that shipping crate working out on a Bowflex. My working theory is that the Haitian wiped his memory and gave him the necklace (and the removal of this necklace was the “sin” he committed against God) in order to protect Peter from….something yet to be revealed. Something to do with that lightning power, I’ll wager. I’ve read spoilers as to who gave him the lightning power, and if they are true, they are a doozy, but I won’t spoil anyone here.

So Peter’s off playing “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Pectorals” in Ireland, and that’s all good, but I wanna end this recap by getting back to Peter’s mentor, Claude, because I think he’s intimately tied into who is knocking off the elder statesmen.

I always had a question last year why Claude was so apt a choice for Peter’s mentor. We learned last year that Claude had encountered other empaths, but by and large, Claude seemed kinda…dickish? Anti-Yoda. Claude’s mission statement would be: “Do or do not do. Or, sod off. Works for me.” I kept waiting for Claude to reappear (pun intended) last season, but he never did. And I’d all but forgotten about him until Mama Petrelli went and got attacked by a person who for all intents and purposes was invisible.

At first I went, “Aha! Claude’s the killer!” Which initially made me sad, because I hate to think of Dr. Who as a serial killer. But then I thought, “Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Last week, Nakamura spoke of nine remaining members of the Original Bad Assery Super Club, and this week Bennett spoke of eight paintings, which means that one of the last nine is the killer, and man, I really have to stop thinking in run on sentences!”

So it’s not Claude, but could be someone who Claude worked with in the company. One of the original twelve. Not the healer, the dreamer, the telepath, but the empath. (By the way, like the subtle reveal that Ma Petrelli is a telepath? Makes sense, given how she could always read Nathan’s thoughts.) One nominally most in touch with others, given the etymological nature of the power, and therefore the most surprising to Nakamura for turning on all of them.

Now, what does this all mean? It means that Peter and Nathan’s father is quite possibly the killer.

Yes, I know he’s supposed to be dead, but really, what basis do we have for this? We have second-hand evidence. We have not seen actual proof. We also don’t know what his power is/was. And he’s the only one of the elder statesmen we currently know about, meaning that any other option will have to be inserted into the mythology with clunky exposition in the next few weeks. With Pa Petrelli, we already have some backstory that can be tweaked/subverted/exploded with this revelation. (And this would give Claude greater reason to help Peter, having seen the hit DVD “When Empaths Go Wild!” back in the day.) After all, It’s quite possible that he either faked his death in order to achieve some other agenda, separate from Linderman, or was actually HEALED by Linderman, pre-Linderman’s death, in order to exists as a backup plan in case the bomb did not go off.

Now, I love this theory, and I love it so much that I have no doubt that it will be proven completely wrong by the end of next week’s episode.

OK, kids, your turn: what did you think of this week’s edition? How plausible is my theory about the killer? And why on earth does Mrs. Bennett leave Claire only with any sharp items???