A lot of you took issue with what you felt was an unfair character assassination of Lois Lane in last week’s recap. You felt I was being overly harsh and guilty of letting my feelings for the character of Chloe Sullivan cloud my judgment. I won’t try and convince you otherwise: we’re all allowed to have our opinions about such matters, and as long as we all air such opinions in an open, and above all mature, manner, then I welcome all such discussion in the future. Also? Lois Lane was NOWHERE in this week’s episode, which means the producers agreed with me, which means I win, so neener neener.

This week’s episode has me excited once I read its title: “Fierce.” Finally, the long-awaited episode with Tyra Banks as a meteor-infected supermodel! Sadly, no Tyra to be found. Kara doesn’t even watch America’s Next Top Model, opting instead to watch Project: Runway. In short, even people ON the CW don’t watch the CW. (OK, she name-drops Beauty and the Geek too, but honestly, people.) In lieu of Tyra, we get a trio of supermodel-looking women dubbed “The Weather Girls” by Chloe, who apparently leech onto public events involving skimpy clothing in order to mask their intent to steal valuable items from said towns. This group often comes into direct conflict with another criminal group, known most likely as The Village People.

In the annals of lame supervillains on this show, The Weather Girls rank in the Top Five Most Lame. And this is Smallville we’re talking about, a show that once gave its Freak of the Week all the powers and abilities of a freakin’ gopher. One of the weather girls could freeze things, another could create tornados, and the third died before we could even find out what her power was. I think the writers couldn’t decide between “the ability to make it partly cloudy” or “the ability to create lots of dew,” and so killed her off before having to explain her power.

The show introduces these women via the Miss Sweet Corn Pageant, a device that set off alarm bells in my head. My best friend, known only as “The Commander” online, once stated a theory about Smallville that I think can be amended after this episode. He theorized that the quality any particular episode of Smallville was inverse to the amount of skin Lois Lane showed that week. So, when the show resorted to sticking Erica Durance in an American flag bikini in order to infiltrate a strip club in “Exposed,” this indicated unequivocally that the producers felt it was a terrible, terrible episode. I think we can include Kara, or really, any main female character in his hypothesis. “Fierce” clearly tried to distract us from the ridiculous plot by flashing cleavage at every opportunity. I’m not here to recap cleavage (couldn’t work that into my contract, sadly), so back to the episode.

Kara enters the Miss Sweet Corn Pageant in order to normalize herself in her new surroundings, and, in a leap of faith so wide that even Neo would have a hard time bridging it, falls instantly head over heels for Jimmy Olson. Now, I’ve nothing against Jimmy, but I’m not sure he’s even the kind of guy who girls would notice from across the bar, never mind across the universe. And then I thought, “Oh wait, I get it: it’s this week’s installment of ‘Let’s Kick Chloe While She’s Down!’”

That’s right, folks. Wasn’t enough that Chloe’s entire life’s work and passion was called into question as her less-talented cousin leapfrogged over her at the Daily Planet, but now her love life will be destroyed by a Kryptonian hottie, but only after a few weeks of Jimmy Olsen telling her how much he hates krypto-freaks, which will drive Chloe into a deeper and deeper pit of despair, and oh look, my anger’s caused a ridiculously long run-on sentence, excuse me while I hit myself in the face with a brick.

OK, much better now. Thus endeth this week’s installment of “Let’s Kick Chloe While She’s Down.”

Chloe, naturally, fared poorly, while Lana Lang, naturally, managed to come out of customs smelling like roses. Clearly, the border patrol did not heed my warning and set up defenses at the border in order to intercept this woman. (Either that, or the boys over at CTU set up a perimeter, a tactic that has not worked in six years of 24 and yet they keep trying it anyways.) Lana’s return prompted Clark to state that virtually nothing she could ever do would change his feelings about her, which should make Clark noble but actually turns him into the most whipped man not named Brad Pitt on the planet. As if winning him back that easily wasn’t enough, she gets Lex to confess that she’s a brilliant criminal mind, so brilliant that she earns his respect. So, essentially, Lana is both the smartest, most desirable, and most beautiful woman on the entire planet, so far as the show’s two leads are concerned. At this point, I don’t know what she could possibly do to annoy one of these men. She could run over Krypto with a semi-truck, and Clark would simply smile, shake his head, and say, “Well, good ol’ Krypto lived a full life anyways. Let’s go grab a smoothie!”

The Lex stuff is even more insanely disappointing, because Lex has always been one of the most consistently solid characters in the show. And yet he started to go downhill right around…hrm, can’t pinpoint it, oh wait, I know! When he started chasing Lana! She’s like kryptonite for awesome! Ugh. The old Lex was bribing scientists and invading Kryptonian caves and being all bad-ass, and now he’s so sad about losing Lana that he spends his days in the Luthor study writing sonnets into his Hello Kitty journal.

The only thing keeping him going at this point is Kara, the woman he knows but can’t prove to be his savior. Her saving him may not make him change into a “good” person in the traditional sense, but will most likely reinforce his “I’m doing terrible things in order to save the world” mentality from Season 6 and the ill-named Project 33.1. This is a Lex who sees himself as the hero of his own narrative, destined to use his vision, resources, and drive to do what others cannot: save the citizens of Earth from the inevitable alien invasion that will end life on Earth as we know it. That self-conception is inherent in his final question while confronting Kara at episode’s end: “Are you a savior, or are you a warning?” He’s no longer the self-actualized villain; he’s the newly christened champion.

See, THAT’S the Lex I want, people. And that’s the mythology I want. Lex’s ever-growing sense of purpose, coupled with the Kryptonian S.O.S. planted over one hundred years ago into a Smallville time capsule, is catapulting Smallville into potentially HUGE story potential. In essence, this show might have someone ask, “Who deserves to rule the world?” It’s a question asked periodically throughout the show, starting with the initial tension between Clark and Jor-El over Clark’s mission on earth. The show has long hinted that Krypton held long-standing interest in Earth, and tonight’s revelation of the S.O.S. only reinforces what was learned in the caves during Season 2: there’s a clear history between Krypton and Earth, and Clark/Lex/Kara will be at the epicenter of the latest collision between these two worlds.

What do you make of Lana’s return to Smallville? Has Lex changed for the better or worse in his motivations? Why did it take Lana six years to discover Clark’s powers but six seconds to discover Kara’s?