I’m battling a hella bad cold right now, so no cute intro paragraphs. No majorly long intros. No epic opening salvos. No New England Patriots-esque first drives lasting eleven plays, 6 minutes and forty-three seconds, culminating in a sweet 14-yard touchdown reception by Wes Welker. No, folks, I’m getting to the heart of it. The meat of it. The hearty meat of it, or the meaty heart, depending if you’re the villain in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” and are into that sorta thing.

No sirree, none of that. Just the Good, the Bad, and the Fugly of this week’s episode of Heroes, entitled “Fight or Flight”.

She’s Electric (Boogie Oogie Oogie)

The Good

Kristen Bell, back on my television! I’m sure all the fan boards are calling her “Veronica Edison” or “Tesla Mars” by this point, so I won’t even go there. But since the first two seasons of “Veronica Mars” are two of my favorite seasons of television everywhere (I sorta conveniently forget the third season happened), I was delighted to see her onscreen.

As suspected, Peter learned his lightning ability from her character, Elle. This means that when she and Peter finally meet face to face, it won’t be for the first time. But just how they met will be revealed at a later date: I am sure the spoiler sites are filled with knowledge as to their situation, so if you need to know, by all means go to one of those. I’m still annoyed I read about her lightning ability a few weeks ago, so my aversion to any further knowledge should be understandable.

Milky Eyes Petrelli returned! How I’ve missed him. His painting pointed the way to Montreal, and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about Montreal as the setting for some super-hero badassery, but I do know I am glad they didn’t send him back to Odessa for the 300th time in less than a year. (If he goes there finds a croissant in the shape of the helix, I may have to stop watching the show altogether.)

The Bad

I mean, I love Veronica Mars, but that doesn’t mean I wanted her to play Veronica Mars on Heroes. I’m sure she’s got range, but the show seemed content to let geeks like me squeal over seeing a Mars-ism here and there instead of trying to reinvent her persona whole hog. Perhaps the “yea, I BBQ’ed him” said flippantly on the phone was supposed to be the twist on good whole Veronica, but Veronica did some emotionally damaging stuff back in the day that left many a criminal feeling extra crispy, mentally speaking. So, not a huge change there.

As for the box: well, pretty much had what one would suspect, if one suspected the most boring option: passport, picture of Nathan, some cash. Only the ticket to Montreal leaves anything to the imagination. Would it have killed them to put a severed toe in there or something?

The Fugly

So, the docksmen knew Petrelli was in the crate, and did nothing? And just told a blonde American girl where he was, without question? Without her even whoring herself out for said info? I could jump the bus from Speed through such plot holes. Just laziness.

Dream a Messed Up Effin’ Dream of Me

The Good

JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. Hoo boy, THIS is why I watch this show, people. Even though I saw through the schlubby act right away, it was still creepy as hell to watch Papa Parkman sucker Matt and Nathan into the Hallway to Hell. Know where that is, right? Take AC/DC’s Highway to Hell to Philadelphia, take the off ramp, and drive right into your worst psychoses.

Matt encountered his own father abandonment issues, as his subconscious worries of turning into his own father manifested themselves in a prison of his mind, replete with Janice, looking as “Katie Holmes if she let herself go” as ever, and that’s enough to scare me, thankee kindly. Meanwhile, Nathan confronted his nuclearly-burned self atop a mental reconstruction of the Deveaux building in a reality where Peter went nuclear in Kirby Plaza. In a clever bit of editing, you slowly realize, how — crap, they are actually in the same room, left by Papa Parkman to pick each other off. Only because Parkman’s got the same basic abilities as his father can he allow them to escape this nightmare realm.

So. Freakin’. Cool.

The Bad

Very little. This storyline continues to be the strongest by a large margin in this less-than-stellar beginning to Season 2.

The Fugly

They didn’t turn this arc into a “Company Man”-esque episode, with the narrative fully devoted to this enormous pile of awesome.

Double the Power, Double the Dutch

The Good

They revealed this week that Monica’s mimickry doesn’t merely extend to what she sees on TV, but what she sees in real life. Furthermore, they had Micah explain she’s a muscle mimic, as opposed to merely a visually-based empath. This is important, since this means she can’t absorb powers that she sees (otherwise, she could watch every superhero movie ever and just unleash the largest can of whoop-ass on New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina). It seems that while she can perform things beyond her own physical strength, she can’t necessarily bust out Jessica-esque strength. I like these definitions of her power, since it lets her essentially be Ms. Kung Fu Awesome without making her essentially invulnerable.

And while Micah can often be cloying as hell, there was a nice chemistry between him and Monica in this episode. You can tell finding out about her ability made him feel more at home without his mother. Also? Those two could play the world’s most insane rendition of “Chopsticks” evah.

The Bad

While I like the power, I just can’t stand the writing. Every statement she makes is still, “This is my situation in life for those of you just tuning in,” and it’s so…freakin’…dull. Speaking of dull, Mohinder showed up at her door at the end of the episode, which means she might be kung fu fighting for the Company shortly.

Also? We went through all the “I have a power, but what does it mean?” stuff with every character last year. Don’t need to see it from the newbies. See how Elle’s just into her power? More of that, please.

The Fugly

Double dutch? That’s how you choose to test your power? Me? I woulda found the nearest breakdancer and then gone house. Always wanted to spin on my head, man.

And why did the show hire Uhura, again? For more than this, I assume. I keep looking at her and thinking Elle just shocked the bejesus out of her, since that would explain her ‘do.

Bad Medicine

The Good

The temptation of Suresh continues, with Bob slowly turning Suresh against HRG. Seeing Niki in custody further confuses Suresh, but then again, I am sure the method by which Hot Pockets are concocted confuses Suresh at this point.

The Bad

The temptation theory works in principle, but not in execution. As mentioned before, Suresh is a horrible, horrible choice for Company spy. He’s as overmatched as me against a Josh Beckett fastball. And while you can admire his determination and understand his blind support of Molly leading him to put her back under their thumb, you also have a hard time truly rooting for him.

As for the “Company isn’t entirely evil”: I think this may be asking too much of the show to pull off, but the idea of a largely benign organization who thinks they are doing good in the world is something I WANT in the show: last year it got a little too cartoonish in its evil, with Linderman and Thompson all but twirling their non-existent handlebar moustaches. If Suresh TRULY had to decide between two equally well-meaning, but each-with-its-flaws sides, THEN you’d have some real drama. As such, you just know the Company is pulling the wool over Suresh’s eyes until he’s in too deep.

The Fugly

“Hi, I’m Mohinder Suresh. Have you ever given any thought to letting Jesus Christ be your Lord and Savior?” (Well, that’s what I THOUGHT he was going to say.)

Dear Ando, I Was Once A Welcome Addition to the Show, But Now, I’m Boring the Hell Out of Everyone…YATA!

The Good

Um…

The Bad

Er…

The Fugly

Dude, did you see Kensei’s neck-only beard? Pretty progressive facial hair for the 17th century.

Seriously, not nearly enough time spent on this story to warrant discussion, or really, inclusion in this episode. Heroes, you don’t have to fit every character into every episode. I can simply assume Claire’s clipping off toes somewhere in California: no need to see it. And I didn’t need to see less than three minutes of “Kensei and Hiro Go To White Castle”, either.

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So what did you think of this week’s episode? Leave your thoughts below!