Heroes, because you’re mine, I’ll walk “The Line”. (Stuff like that is why I get the big bucks, people. BIG. I’m talking doubt digits here.)

While a lot happened in this week’s episode, I still didn’t feel a lot of momentum…until the first true Season 1-esque cliffhanger of the year, a whopper of a cliffhanger that, while someone derivative, at least gives the volume as a whole direction for the first time all year.

After all, I thought this year was about “Generations”, you know, given the name of the volume and all. And when George Takei, I’m sorry, Mr. Nakamura bought it in Episode 1, well, I figured, “Right, so it’s an arc about someone wiping out the old heroes, and it’s probably the guy Molly talked about at the end of Season 1.” But the meantime, we’ve been treated a farcical Japanese love triangle, a post-Katrina plot so poorly written as to defy belief, and the longest run for the border this side of my grandmother trying to jog to Taco Bell.

On top of that, Heroes keeps mentioning the Shanti virus, which I thought was an isolated case brought up by Suresh as a false front in order to infiltrate The Company, but has an actual basis in fact (well, within the show) and in fact may be 200x scarier than Papa Parkman, aka, The Nightmare Man.

Now, will the Nightmare Man and the Shanti virus eventually meet up, like so many would-be heroes in Kirby Plaza? Only time will tell. I have faith, however shaky, that this will all tie together, but I feel like there’s a good story here: the show just hasn’t quite figured out the most effective way to tell it.

Et Tu, Hiro?

The Good

This storyline is almost over. Oh wait, not even close. I just sit here week and week marveling at how ill conceived this is.

The only way this makes any sense, ANY SENSE, as a way to spent valuable screen-time is if Kensei shows up in modern times, and is the assassin killing the original heroes. Otherwise, this is a failure of a plot, and a waste of one of Season 1’s best characters. But if Hiro’s kiss leads directly to his father’s death, then THAT is a plot, people.

The Bad

At one point, it’s revealed that the army Kenzei must fight is armed with guns and ammunition. It’s thus Kensei’s job to keep the way of the samurai alive. So not only is Kensei a combination of George McFly and Jack Sparrow, he’s also Tom Cruise in “The Last Samurai”. Stab me with Kensei’s sword right between the eyes.

The Ugly

Is it me, or does “The Kiss That Fractured Time” sound like the next Nicholas Sparks novel?

Second Cheer, Same as Last Year!

The Good

No toes, real or fake, were harmed in the making of this episode.

The Bad

Debbie is Jackie 2.0, same bitchiness, with an added dollop of hatin’ on fatties in order to nominally differentiate her. We saw this basic plot last year, right? Course, if this were literally a carbon copy of last year, Claire would have stuck Debbie in Sylar’s way, not in the way of the paddy wagon. So, that’s slightly different.

The Fugly

Give me a reason to care about this plot right now. Just one. What’s ostensibly holding this together is Painting 8/8, which may or may not show West and Claire over HRG’s mangled mug. So in time, we may see this as the first step Claire took towards the dark side. But for now, I just have to marvel at the crappy wirework on West and pray this gets much better very quickly.

Black Eyes? Please!

The Good

The return of creepy Sylar! We’ve seen glimpses all season of Sylar behind Gabriel Gray’s eyes, but tonight, in talking calmly to Alejandro, we saw the return of the fully aware, fully batshit Sylar. The notion that he could use Maya as his power source if he never regains his own shows his manipulative skills have not diminished, even if his own power has. Her use of her powers under his direction reminded me very much of Lex Luthor manipulating Captain Marvel in the graphic novel “Kingdom Come”, because I’m kind of a dork that way. Not in the literal sense (Luthor literally brainwashes Marvel, using worms), but in the overall sense of a person without power, but with ambition, using someone with great power as their iron fist.

As for those diminished powers…could he have been on the receiving end of a syringe not unlike the one Bob gave to Suresh to administer to Monica?

The Bad

The fact that either of them trust in Sylar is stretching the boundaries of belief. Note to Maya and Alejendro: if you’re with an American who’s trying to sneak into his own country, there’s a good chance you want nothing to do with this man.

The Fugly

Alejandro’s forehead still bugs something fierce.

Corporate Training

The Good

A lot of densely packed mythology that will play out over time. When we look back on this volume, this is a section we’ll look back on with new light. Adam Monroe. The altered virus. The supposed new direction of the company. Bob’s motives. Suresh’s pairing with Niki. A lot of interesting stuff.

As mentioned earlier, the virus that I thought was a ploy on Suresh’s part is very real, and while has only affected two people to date (Shanti and the Haitian), it looks due to spread rapidly. Turns out having Suresh as an employee also gives The Company access to Suresh’s seemingly never-ending supply of Shanti-esque blood with which to create what nominally is the “cure” from X3: X-Men United. Suresh correctly warns that such a modification could exponentially exacerbate the problem, and in a moment that echoes five years into an alternate future, Suresh is ultimately unable to inject someone with t a potentially lethal syringe.

Bob’s seemingly shifting loyalties, his fear of “Adam Monroe”, and his ability to turn endearingly sympathetic all in the same episode make him both fascinating to watch and possibly the scariest person on the show since the introduction of Linderman. Like Linderman, and like Sylar, Bob believes utterly in what he is doing, and has a touch of that HRG “I know what I am doing is bad but I have to anyways”. What I want to know is this: what’s the change in the Company since Kirby Plaza?

And more importantly: who’s really in charge of the Company now?

The Bad

I want to like Monica, I do, but she makes Maya and Alejandro seems like the most suspicious people in the universe. Just lettin’ yourself get whisked away to NYC where people can monitor your freakish abilities? Riiiiight.

I still can’t figure out Niki’s role all this, but as my wife pointed out, that was more than likely Jessica peeking out at Suresh at the end of this episode. More progress there, please.

The Fugly

This is so X3, and the Legacy Virus, as to be insulting. I pray there’s a twist, but I am far from a comics nerd and know about the Legacy Virus. Just a touch of originality would be nice.

Family Ties That Bind And/or Shoot You In The Face

The Good

Nice to see the return of BadAss Noah, kicking the butt of someone who is not middle management at a copy center. (I assume he’s handed in his notice there, yes?) He visited Odessa, Ukraine, since if you work for the company you’re allowed to live in NYC or any of the Odessa towns in the known world. Them’s the rules.

HRG and the Haitian capture a man named Ivan, HRG’s former boss who knows the location of Isaac’s Series of 8. It’s a good thing George Bush doesn’t watch TV, because he might have tired to authorize the use of mindwipes as part of the United States’ coercive technique, which would prompt Condi to inform him that Heroes is only a TV show, which would embarrass him, and…know what? Someone send president Bush this episode immediately. We’ll be the Claire to his Debbie.

Ivan also mentioned the “change in philosophy” at the Company that I alluded to earlier, which frankly intrigues me. As I have mentioned before, I like the idea of some people at the Company honestly thinking they are doing good work, unable to see the true nature of their Company’s objectives. Whether or not Ivan truly believes in the new direction or not is irrelevant: I just want this nominal new direction stated.

I imagine this nominal stance is “No More Sylars”: the notion that some people with powers are benevolent/benign, with others most sadistic and potentially dangerous. Of course, it’s a slippery slope to assign oneself the moral arbiter of such things, and the establishment of the cure leading into 93% of the population being wiped out in a year could be the end result of such foolishness.

The Bad

The phone call between Claire and HRG shows how half of this show is so solid right now, and the other is so banal and boring as to border on unbelievable. Trying to stop the oncoming apocalypse versus trying to stop Debbie from shoving Twinkies down fellow cheerleaders’ throats. Hmmm. One of these is just a teensy more important, and therefore more than a smidge more interesting to watch.

Also, we finally see the final 8, for approximately a millisecond each? You’re a tease, Heroes. A big fat tease.

The Fugly

So, you realize the Company would trace Ivan’s mindwipe back to you, so to cover your tracks, you shoot him in the head and then TOUCH EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE WITH YOUR BEAR HANDS? Apparently, the Company has unlimited resources, but hasn’t dedicated any of them to someone who could dust for prints.

The Times That Bind

The Good

The future cliffhanger, while a combination of “28 Days Later” and “I am Legend”, was incredibly creepy, especially since Peter jumped to the EXACT same spot in Times Square that Hiro did on his first jump. Contrast the shots: Hiro’s frame is bursting with color and life; Peter’s is grayed out with nary a person in sight.

As far as the quarantine goes: clearly something went terribly, terribly wrong. Something the aforementioned Adam Monroe and Peter suspected, and for the first time, the amnesia plot makes a touch of sense, narratively. For Peter to remember who Adam was would make the rest of the story irrelevant. He’d just go, “Oh, right,” and then be on his way. As such, the memory loss allows us to piece together the puzzle along with Peter. It also forcibly calls into question Bob’s true intentions: it’s a statement of how convincing he can be that I was annoyed with Adam’s note that the company is indeed dangerous. Poor Suresh is le screwed.

My instinct, with no evidence to back this up, is that Adam is Elle’s father, and this is why Elle is looking for Peter. Something happened post-Kirby Plaza in which these figures all met, and set in motion the plot that landed Peter Petrelli locked inside a box in Cork.

The Bad

OK, I get it, Heroes: you like that symbol. I like it too. But it’s not the explanation for EVERYTHING until you actually explain it. And no, simply naming it “Godsend” doesn’t help: I want to understand why a symbol placed on Kensei’s sword became the logo for the old-time heroes and now seemingly embodies the changes in the genetic code that turn ordinary people into superpowered entities.

Pretty please?

The Fugly

Too short of a segment to truly generate anything hideous, unless you’d like to count her accent.

***

OK, so that’s my as always lengthy take on things…what did you think of this week’s episode? Drop some knowledge below